Where does all the money go?

I know people say this all the time, but I’m pretty desperate for money. No strike that, I’m really desperate. And I say “I’m” and not “we” for a reason.

I say “I’m” because I’m married to a lovely man who just doesn’t have a head for money. Ben’s wonderful, just a big, cute sweetheart who’s so gentle and sweet and kindhearted, I just love him to death. But Ben just can’t keep track of money.

That was sort of charming when we were first dating, but it’s become a major problem in our relationship since we got married, in fact, I’d say it’s THE major problem.

It’s THE problem because Ben suggested, very sweetly, that now we were married, we should have a house to settle in, where the kids could eventually grow up. He wanted the tire swing in the back and the jungle gym and all that. We had a great apartment, which I still miss, but he thought he had enough saved and enough coming in through his job (he’s a trucker, which means he’s gone a lot, which sucks, but we make it work) to pay for something nice.
Well, we got a house, but we didn’t get nice. Instead, we’ve got a place that’s falling apart all around us, and the money isn’t stretching to the end of the month. We’ve only been living here a year, and we’re already a month behind on the mortgage. I got my first letter about it in the mail because Ben took off last, and I told him about it. He shook his head like he was concerned, and he said he’d deal with it, but that’s the last I heard.

Now, I’m worried. I don’t know how long they’ll give us to make a payment, and I’m doubly worried if we fall behind now, we’ll never catch up.

At this point, I’m desperate enough to start looking for extreme options. I heard from a friend (whose husband is also a trucker) about factoring, which means you can get money early for deliveries you’ve made but haven’t been paid for. That’s exactly what we need, but Ben wasn’t interested.

What I’m looking at now is whether I can sign everything myself and get the money anyway. As I said, Ben doesn’t get money. I bet he’ll come home from this big trip with half the money already spent on some gift because he feels bad that I’m stressed. It’s sweet, I know, but we can’t afford that.

Hopefully, I can get everything signed myself. I’ll figure out how to tell Ben later.

Honestly, though, I wish we’d never moved here. I miss that apartment of ours so much. How much time should you give a big decision before deciding it was wrong? If I could sell the house for what we paid (I doubt it), I’d move back in a second.

But first things first, I’ve got to pay the bills now.

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